I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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