he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think your dad took our porno
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
