I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
