shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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