my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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