I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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