Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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