How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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