If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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