We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
