your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
