dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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