I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
