I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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