If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize