rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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