someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
