you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
