I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
