Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
