It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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