The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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