Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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