Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
