I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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