She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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