moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
