I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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