I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
