Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
