I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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