I skipped work to stalk him.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
