STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
