I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
