he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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