Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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