Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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