apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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