Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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