Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
