ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
