I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
