hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize