Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
