The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
