Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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