Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
