A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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