I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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