If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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