I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
