I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
