I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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