bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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