It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
