next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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