Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
