I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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