1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
