you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
