I just threw up on my dentist
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
