The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
