Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
