Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize