May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
