I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
