You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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