Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
