wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
