I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
