I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
