She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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