My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
