You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
