i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
